After the chilling allegations of several groups at Penn State University maintaining ties to the National Bolshevik movement, many were left wondering exactly what this nefarious group stands for. I recently reached out to suspected members of the secretive National Bolshevik campus organization “NAZBOL GANG” in an attempt to decode their cryptic and at times confusing lingo and to find out what is driving the seemingly endless growth of NAZBOL memes. Those suspected members pointed me to two individuals who said they were connected to “NAZBOL GANG” and agreed to speak with me on condition of anonymity; they identified themselves as “Ioseph Steelman” and “Xxxtentationfan420”. These two eccentric individuals provide a very troubling insight into the NAZBOL mindset.
My exclusive interview follows below:
What is NAZBOL?
I: NAZBOL is a revolutionary understanding to Poz. By that I mean politics today is all about acceptance of fat depressed homosexuals and we do not wish to stop at that. We want everyone to be a fat depressed homosexual.
X: It’s a consumer revolt in support of ethics in videogame journalism.
What does NAZBOL mean to you?
I: There is no such thing as me or you, there is no individual, there is just us, there is just NAZBOL.
X: NAZBOL to us is shotgunning a can of monster energy while doing a wheelie on a BMX bike and listening to the Jay-Z/Linkin Park mashup album while telling my step-dad to “f*** off” so I can play Halo 3 custom games with my friend Craig until 3am.
There is a lot of talk about NAZBOL GANG. Is ‘gang’ too aggressive?
I&X:*in unison* Gang is not aggressive enough.
I: When we are on a LAN party, we think it’s important to run trains on people playing DOTA 2, so we think it is important to teach the university how to run trains on its students.
X: If the FBI can classify the juggalos as a gang then we definitely are. (Interviewee makes several loud whooping noises)
I: We tried to be more edgy but it could not fit in the clantag.
(Both interviewees began rapping “Gucci Gang” by Lil Pump and have to be calmed down before we can proceed)
Can you evaluate the memes posted by other campus groups, since you guys are, as you say, “meme-wise”?
I: Gay, but not gay enough. We identify as radical homosexuals and we want to create state-enforced homosexuality by the year 2070.
X: The issue we have with groups like the United Socialists is that they are too far right, maybe even counter-revolutionary.
There is some reported “infiltration” of campus organization by NAZBOL Gang memes and potentially members. May you enlighten me on that?
I: I would enlighten you, but it will get me kicked off the Roblox server.
X: I got a platinum trophy on MGS 3 on the remastered edition, I’m an expert at infiltration and to be honest we are already in TPUSA’s Minecraft server.
How would you respond to accusations of “fascism?”
I: The fat club or whatever it’s called is just mad because we made off with their twinkie supplies.
X: Democratic socialists are the real Nazis. We expose their hypocrisy and they hate us because we have higher Gamerscores.
How do you view dialectical materialism?
I: I don’t understand it and to be honest people can call me a retard all they want but in the game world they are the retard.
X: To be honest the only books I read are the ones in Skyrim.
What is your view on Joseph Stalin and the Bolsheviks?
X: They were gamers and if Stalin was alive today he would be 10 prestige and have the highest KDR in history.
So who would you choose between Mao and Stalin?
I: (In exaggerated African accent) I roll wid my Chinese bruddas but we know who we be yo.
X: Mao gang ain’t got [expletive] on us fam.
So is Mao gang another subversive organization at Penn State?
I: Not anymore.
X: I challenged the leader of Mao gang to a 1v1 on Rust then swatted him. Needless to say Mao gang isn’t around anymore. LMAO (Interviewee spelled it out).
How would you respond to accusations of anti-Semitism?
X: I can’t be anti-Semitic, I only date Jewish girls.
What about accusations of white nationalism?
I: Not funny.
X: [In exaggerated Brooklyn accent] Nah b, we New York nigga nationalists. (At this point interviewee points to his Timberland brand boots in what I can only assume is some sort of cryptic reference)
How would you respond to accusations of being a meme movement with no basis in reality?
I: *silence and nervous fidgeting*
X: We were mentioned by the United Socialists as a serious group, and if we don’t actually exist then they must be really really dumb.
At this point both interviewees got up and left; when walking out the door of the café they screamed “NAZBOL” at me.
My final observations are that “NAZBOL GANG” is a very serious movement and represents a danger to white supremacists and communists alike, as well as any other groups that get in their way. Their unpredictability makes this a danger to seemingly anyone, as nobody is quite sure who they consider to be an enemy at any given time. It seems that the only people safe from NAZBOL terrorism are the NAZBOLs themselves.
Please note there is no way to verify the accuracy of any claims or allegations made in this interview, and TSP is not responsible for its factual reporting of any and all comments made by interviewees.