Trump Announces the Winners of the Fake News Awards

By Jack T. Oscar season is boring. The movies can be quite good, but the awards show is the worst. It’s just a party for elitist, sex-harassing celebrities. The only award show that I want to see is President Trump’s first annual Fake News Awards. And after watching it, believe me, it was the best award show ever. In a nice tongue-in-cheek list, President Trump tallied the ten fakest new stories of 2017. I won’t go through all ten…

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US Marshal Killed Serving Warrant in Harrisburg

by Vincent Cucchiara A US Marshal was shot and confirmed dead after the serving of a warrant ended in gunfire on Thursday, January 18th. Two other officers were injured in the incident as well as the gunman. According to Penn Live a terror suspect, Ahmed El-Mofty, was killed by police in a similar incident in very close proximity to the most recent shootout. There is, as of yet, no information about the gunman or the warrant, but it is suspected…

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Trump to Address March for Life Tomorrow

by Sarah Nahrgang Tomorrow, January 19th, is the 45th annual March for Life in Washington, D.C. to protest the Supreme Court decision Roe v. Wade (Jan 22, 1973) which legalized abortion across all nine months of pregnancy. Since the first March in 1974, Americans have been gathering to stand up for the lives of the unborn, with protesters increasing in number throughout the years from about 20,000 to estimates of 400,000 last year. Of course, main stream media coverage of…

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Heroic Truth-Seeking Patriot to Launch Self in Rocket to Prove Government Round-Earth Conspiracy

by Kevin Fenchak Californian patriot Mike Hughes intends to blow the lid off of decades of government cover-ups and faked UFO sightings with one fell swoop – he will launch himself, at great risk to life and limb, in a homemade rocket into the atmosphere, where he will disprove the illuminati round-earth theory once and for all by taking a picture of the completely flat horizon. Hughes may in fact be the most woke man on the flat interminable…

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MLK To Be Commemorated All Week

by Sarah Nahrgang On November 3rd, 1983, President Ronald Reagan officially declared Martin Luther King Jr. Day a federal holiday to be celebrated near MLK’s birthday on the third Monday of January, beginning in 1986. Today marks the 33rd year of nationally honoring King’s legacy as a leader in the civil rights movement while ignoring his extramarital affairs, socialist leanings, and support for population control. Though MLK famously said that he dreamed of a world where his children “will not…

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The Media Loses It Over “S***hole Countries”

by Vincent Cucchiara President Donald J Trump has, once again, made international headlines by saying something well known to every single person not living under a rock. According to the New York Times piece on the subject, Trump, during a meeting to discuss immigration, made several statements questioning the need for immigration protections for foreign nationals several impoverished nations. The most notable of which, from the apparently quite exasperated President, was questioning why we need “all these people from…

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The State College Borough Council is Not Racist

by Vincent Cucchiara In a stunning display of not being racist, the State College Borough Council announced that it would be officially designating January 16th as “National Day of Racial Healing,” according to a recent article from the Collegian. Why does State College Borough need a “National Day of Racial Healing?” State College Mayor, Donald Hahn, explained that this new addition to the State College public calendar would “combat racism and push State College toward a more well-rounded and…

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“Win Bigly” Will Make You a Three-Dimensional Chess Master

by Jack T. Two years ago, cartoonist Scott Adams shook the brains of ordinary Americans, pundits, and “experts” when he called Trump a “master persuader” who would win in a landslide, while everyone else called him a “clown.” People said a cartoonist knew nothing about politics. Well, it turns out he knew a lot more than the “experts.” You’re probably wondering, how can a cartoonist predict the greatest upset in political history and leave the “experts” scratching their heads?…

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DNC Deputy Chairman Tweets in Support of Antifa

by Sarah Nahrgang Congressman Keith Ellison (D – Minn.), deputy chairman of the Democratic National Committee, tweeted the following on Wednesday in support of antifa, whose activities have been labeled as “domestic terrorist violence” by the Department of Homeland Security: The book pictured, Antifa: The Anti-Fascist Handbook, by Mark Bray, is described as both a historical account of various counter-movements to European fascism and a guide for would-be antifa activists, meaning it not only advocates for violence, but also…

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A Message to Female Students

by Sarah Nahrgang As our Christmas break comes to a close and the next semester quickly approaches, I’d like to take the time to say some much-needed words to my fellow women at Penn State, which are, to say the least, a bit controversial, though nonetheless necessary. They are necessary because no one else will tell you these things. Not your liberal professors, nor your feminist friends, nor your boomer parents. The social experiment that is feminism has failed…

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